Deflection

Oct. 18th, 2017 09:01 am
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So many deadlines. So many deflections.

Me, to boss: Did you look at the script? I've asked, cajoled and now I'm at the point of nagging. You're the holdup here.
Boss: I brought you grapes!
Me: Okay, that's nice. But the script, though?
Boss: I'll do it right now. 
...
Boss: Here is the script. I only made it a quarter of the way through. You look nice today. 
Me: Okay. When are you going to review the whole thing?
Boss: I brought in donuts, they're downstairs!


Explanations and results

Oct. 12th, 2017 08:49 am
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On Tuesday, I ended up snapping at my boss. 

I had given him a task, and he hadn't done it. 
Then when we were trying to complete the task, he had an idea for a show segment. I vetoed it.
He kept saying "You can make it funny". I kept saying "That isn't helpful--I'm telling you I don't see how the premise can be funny without being shoehorned in. It's just a bad concept. Maybe if we did X instead."
"But you'll make it funny."
"Give me examples of what funny would look like with your premise."

And instead of doing that, he explained the concept again like I wasn't understanding it. 
I get it, I said, it's just not funny. 

It's not that I don't understand you. It's that I don't agree with you. I felt like Nancy Regan shouting at Ronnie: You don't have to explain it to them again. They get it. They just don't LIKE it. 

Then he tried to pour the funny on and it just...wasn't...working. 
"Well I don't know. You'll make it funny!"
"I'm telling you it's a bad premise."

I gave him alternate ways that I thought it would work. 

I went downstairs to get some water. When I came back he was diagramming the premise and started explaining it to me again. This is four times. 
In a very sharp way I snapped at him: YOU DO NOT NEED TO EXPLAIN THIS TO ME. I GET IT. I UNDERSTAND IT. IT'S JUST A BAD IDEA. UNLESS YOU CAN GIVE ME AN EXAMPLE OF HOW IT WILL WORK, I'M CUTTING IT. You haven't been able to do that. You just keep telling me I'll make it work when I'm telling you it can't be worked with. I GET THE IDEA. I GET IT. I UNDERSTAND IT. 

And then we got on a call with a client. My understanding was that this had been dropped. But no. He interrupted my creative run-down to insert this stupid concept into the flow. I vigorously shook my head, but he wanted his idea in there--not my alternate. 

So I tried to put it in the script. I made it...sort of work. (I can make a lot of things work in the best way they *can* work.)

I just got script feedback from my boss. 

"This doesn't work like this... let's do it [alternate way that I suggested and fought for and he's now presenting as his own, new idea]."

Me, jaw locked: "Yes. I know that way will work. THAT IS WHAT I TOLD YOU IN THE FIRST PLACE. 
"Oh. Did you?"
"Yes. And I told you your concept wouldn't work. Which it doesn't. You sat there and explained it to me 4 times as though I just didn't get it--and it DOES NOT WORK."
"Yeah, sometimes you just need to see it."
"I DID NOT NEED TO SEE IT."
"Well, change it to [alternate]."
"Fine. Next time LISTEN TO ME."

Freaking out

Oct. 11th, 2017 10:58 am
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The thing about freaking out, a little bit, is that when you tell people, "Hey, I'm anxious and freaking out a little bit right now," it makes you freak out less. 

It's not the catharsis, for me. It's that I then feel like they then know what's going on and can adjust their expectations accordingly. So I don't have to be freaking out while ALSO freaking out about acting like I'm not freaking out and keeping it all together. 

If this sounds stupid to you (why would you also add the extra layer of veneer), well, it is! But it's how I operate. Calm facade and all. 

So I told D I was very anxious yesterday. And I was. There was no good reason for it save that I almost ALWAYS get about a day dipped in anxiety after I get back from a show. Something about the transition and all the work piling up while I've been gone and also not running for x days and getting very little sleep. All that. 

In this case, I also got word that a publisher picked up my book of felt things. My agent sent me a contract to sign. The anticipated timeline for material delivery was Jan-Feb-March. Which I thought was tight but fine. 

The publisher's actual deadline for delivery is November 3, December 2, and January 2. I have a ton of stuff that I am not experienced in designing that I now have to make good enough for a book.
I have three shows in the next month. One next week, one two weeks after, and one in the first week of December. So, you know. This concerns me. 
Plus I have other things. I promised a friend I would design some simple busy book pages for her kid so she can make it before Hanukkah. Should be simple and fun, but it's another thing.
I'm co-hosting a Halloween(ish) party in mid November. I warned the co-hosts that I will do my level best, but I might be not taking on what I usually do.
I have to read a book for book club. I'm at 10%. (This might drop? I still want to do it though.)
I have family birthdays this weekend. 
It's D's birthday tomorrow. 
Hey, do we want to have another kid? The time to get that going would be now, for this month.
Etc. 

I have no worries about actually getting everything done. I meet my deadlines. I do not renege on commitments. And I also have a contract!
I have slight worries about my sanity. Or sleep. But hey, it's only for a little while and anyone can take anything for a little while. 

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